my non-existing birth plan

I am getting nervous. The baby could theoretically come every day now and while I am eagerly awaiting the end of this pregnancy (by now I need at least half an hour every morning until my fingers don’t feel numb anymore and my back is killing me), I am also very much aware of the upcoming sleepless weeks and the walk on the tightrope that automatically comes when having to care for two little kids at home.

Most of the work that needed to be done has been done. Though I am still waiting for Karsten’s final nesting instinct to kick in. When my first pregnancy came to an end, he suddenly felt the urgent need to clean our windows. What an amazing urge, seriously! It was the first time in his life that he ever cleaned windows (and the last time so far) and it completely amazed me. Therefore, my darling, I have saved the windows for you. Some of them haven’t been cleaned for more than two years :-). But so far, he only felt the desire to build me a bow. Which is quite amazing as well, considering my non-existing ability to move…

When it comes to mental preparation, I noticed I am not at all prepared. Which doesn’t matter because I have no idea how to prepare myself mentally for the birth anyway. We don’t have a birth plan except that it would be great if Karsten could cut the umbilical cord. In fact, it would already be great if he could be there. If, however, it will be similar to the last birth he might have to get back to the little one at one point. Maybe that’s what I should prepare for mentally….

Instead of deciding how I want the birth to be, I have a wish list of comments which I don’t need to hear this time (reduced to the top twelve):

  • Don’t you want to go and climb some stairs? (Karsten at 4am in the morning after the first five hours of contractions)
  • It’s stagnating! (midwife after the first six hours in the delivery room and after my second sleepless night with contractions)
  • Maybe an enema will help!…..Nope, doesn’t seem so! (midwife after eight hours in the delivery room)
  • I am sorry, the anesthetic won’t be here for at least hour ’cause we are really busy right now (midwife after ten hours in the delivery room when I finally asked for an epidural)
  • Oh no, that didn’t work out! (anesthetist after trying to do an epidural)
  • That didn’t work out either! I am sorry, I am only allowed to try twice – we have to wait for another anethetist! ( anesthetist after his second try)
  • That seems to have worked out….can you feel this? YES? Gee, didn’t work out the third time either! (anesthetist after the third try to set an epidural)
  • We’ll try a bladder catheter, maybe that helps! (midwife after fifteen hours in the delivery room)
  • There is no time to sleep, it’s time to give birth! (ambitious midwife after twenty hours in the delivery room)
  • Excuse me, your father is on the phone! (nurse during two bearing-down pains after twenty-two hours in the delivery room)
  • “*****” (Karsten’s comment when checking on me right after giving birth which can, according to him, be translated into “You look absolutely great, my darling!”)
  • I’ll wake you up in two hours! (midwife after twenty-four hours in the delivery room and almost three sleepless nights in a row)

So, dear baby, let the fun begin!!

About erdhummel

Familial entropy - that's an insight into our current life which has been fundamentally changed last summer when our daughter was born. Having studied in Cottbus, Germany, and worked/studied in Edinburgh, Scotland, we momentarily live in a small town in Switzerland where Karsten is trying to save the environment and Freddie is trying to save our sanity. Since there is not much time for elaborate, long emails while doing that, we thought a blog might be a good option to smuggle ourselves into the lifes of our friends.
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3 Responses to my non-existing birth plan

  1. Malisch says:

    From Brasil i wish you all the best, will for sure not phone you during delivery 🙂 but wished i Could be with the little one!! We cross our fingers that everything will go fine. Big hug karin

  2. Antje says:

    Oh no, poor Kiki! By niw, you made it thru, and hopefully better than the 1st time. Little Jonathan is a beautiful boy.
    PS: “Cleaning windows” is hilarious.

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